Quotes from the Semi-Finals

Brian to Diana (while attempting to execute the difficult trick of standing, balancing on the wheelchair footplate, straddling my ‘longer leg’ for balance):

‘Di, that stump is in the way.’
(tries to move it out of the way of his legs)
Diana: ‘Surgeon anyone?
Should we call for a surgeon?’

(Ed: is there nothing WOW won’t do for this show?)

Harry: ‘Michelle (Gayle) is wonderful. If I’d got someone who was a push-over, well, I would have pushed them over. . .

. . .but Michelle, she don’t take no shit.’

James (after waterski-ing):

‘All of the water’s really warm now.
Everyone must have been peeing in it.’

The Eye of the Tiger

WOW WARNING! DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME

TRAINING: Week 3
The Dance: The Paso Doble.
Music: Eye of the Tiger, Survivor.
Debrief: Saturday 4 July (someone stank of drink, someone didn’t show up).
Training Days: Sunday 5 July through to Thursday 10 July.

Training Hours: Enough to get through dance ok, including a snatched couple of hours on Sunday with Mark, missing a lunch drinks party and the Wimbledon Final.

New nicknames this week: Three, Brian on Diana - Little Bo Peep; Brian on himself - Tony (as in Tony Soprano – due to Brian’s vocal delivery in heavy duty Bronx accent, and him seeming to be tougher than ever on all of us, especially with regards to the difficulty level of ‘tricks’); Diana on Mark - Daddy Longlegs.

No of Liquorice allsorts consumed this week: One full box (half price from TK Maxx – Woo Hoo!). Even ate the nasty little nubs of pure liquorice. Always start with pink and yellow coconut ones. TMI, sorry.

Heated Debate of the Week: Brian and Simone.
Most over-used word of the Week: Cambridge.

WOW Sense of Achievement Rating (scale of low through to high): High.

Three tricky tricks: Brian pushed Mark and I to the limit for daring, with twists on the standard dance and character themes for the pase doble. . . the bull, the cape, the matador and the flamenco dancer.

Brian to Di:
"you'll have a couple of centimetres clearance"
(note Brian's right hand!)

and we did!
thank goodness for Daddy Longlegs

The ‘Ouch’ Factor: Quite a few.

clearly Mark can feel the strain
of my incredible Liquorice Allsorts diet

Top ‘Ouch’ prize this week however goes to Harry Maule. . .

. . .for dancing beyond his pain boundaries to create the most beautiful, loving Viennese Waltz with Michelle. Their dancing even made James ‘Dread Judge’ Jordan emotional: Result!

This week we all had usual number of sessions with Brian and Pippa Roberts.

Pippa and Mark demonstrate
the highs and lows of separation

the long and short of the sixteens
and the little and large of the side steps
of the pase doble

The fragrant Marilyn Monroe Lookee Likee, Kristina Rhianoff joined us. She is lovely – superb dancer, obviously, but also pleasantly empathetic, and also has emotional depth. Good teacher as well.

as you will note from this photo,
my eyes should be envious green, not Tiger hazel in colour

The Show
Number of Bouquets received: Nil
Number of Cards received: 3 – including another lovely Thank you one from Mark. He wrote: "Di, Thank you for being so patient and training so hard. Week 3, let’s see if we can make Week 4 !! Love Mark, Your Matador x" (loving the Matador look Marky)
.
Wardrobe: Wonderful Wardrobe Mistress Louise Egan, and her support team including the v funny Jane ‘Popper’ Spice have done it again.They produced a stunning costume, the colour ways in muted golds, greens, almost simulating tiger fur/and eyes.
Only trouble is it’s a two piece, v short bolero top and below waist skirt, and all that belly flop space in between. Lou texted me a picture of the outfit, then on Tuesday Jane brought it over. I was holding myself in so much almost turned blue, but hey, with the flesh coloured body stocking, you can't see the odd ripple of flesh or the two tiny holes in my tum where there once was a sapphire belly button piercing. I’d had it done nearly 10 years ago, it looked great, until I put on weight (overdosing on stress and cortisol hormones as CEO of a charity 2003-2005). The belly ring disappeared between two comfy spare tyres of fat. Had to remove it. Could go back in again no trouble now…eurghhhh, WOW wonders if this is just TMI. Sorry.

Make-up: The fabulous Edith is my make-up artist.

Edith spray paints me
(Ed: what are you? a car?
I've seen Skodas with better colour than that.)
number of liquorice allsorts WOW wishes she'd eaten: zero

amount of make-up required: none

Cutting Floor Comment: My comment about the BBC Licence Fee payers.

the devil's in the detail, eh David?

WOW’s quote of the Week: (as I am about to go onto the dance floor) “Just going to make final check on the seat-belt, otherwise – Di, SPLAT.”

Finally, we're on: Hours and hours of effort for a minute and a half of spine tingling joy. (Now, what does that remind WOW of?)

and. . .
we're through to the semi-finals!

For all you FFs out there! The Eyes of the Tiger. . .

THE F WORD

No, not that one. . . The FOXTROT!

Some exclusive fotos from backstage of Dancing On Wheels – second show, broadcast tonight at 9pm on BBC3. And for The Foxtrot, ‘Hollywood-Hill’ has another fabulous frock:

Diana is nicknamed Hollywood Hill by the fruitilicious babe, Michelle Gayle - cause she said I look a bit like Natalie Wood:

(Ed: Yeah right – but what about without
the BBC make-up and fancy frocks?)

Di is dancing the Fabulous Foxtrot with the Fantastically Super Fit Mark Cockfoster Foster:

sadly, Mark is fully suited and booted
for the actual performance

Also tonight, Michelle Disney Fairy Princess Gayle and Harry Mancrush Maule are dancing The Rhumba. . .

. . .as are Simone Diva Milani and Kevin Strictly Loads of Camilla Sacre. . .

James Bunny Hop O’Shea and his flipping gorgeous partner, Caroline Fit One Flacky will be dancing The Foxtrot. . .

. . .but where, oh where, is she

?

Heather The Rack Small and Paul pass me The Prodigy Jacob are dancing The Rhumba too.

another fab frock for Heather!

Backstage - during filming – with the fabulous Heather (oh, that laugh of hers, just have to think about it and makes me smile!) and the Fantastic Fortuna, Mr Brian the Boss:

*

Some shots, from our training sessions, of Brian and his wonderful Wheelchair Dance guru Mom:

Sandra Fortuna
training me in the ways of The Foxtrot
*
Is that Hollywood calling for Diana?
No, it’s the BBC Controllers requesting a meeting for
you and Brian ‘F’ Fortuna to discuss your use of
THE F WORD. . .

*

And finally – another F word. . . the fans! The Fortuna Fantastics keep cropping up everywhere – and seem to be getting younger and younger. . .

To finish, WOW Watchers, click here to read an article from The Mirror’s TV Editor Jane Simon.